If we are considering breaking the safety guidelines, empathy can help us ask questions like: ‘if I go out to meet a group of friends, how might other people feel and be affected?’
If we are getting upset by someone’s behaviour, empathy can help us to think about: ‘what may be going on for this person?’, ‘are they standing too close because they did not realise?’ This may prevent us from impulsively acting on our emotions and jumping to incorrect conclusions.
If a person’s behaviour triggers concern about our own and others’ safety, and it is necessary to do something about it, then we need to think carefully about HOW we do so. Empathy can help us remember what it feels like to be shamed and to communicate and act in a kinder and more respectful way. We can ask the person questions in a respectful way to gather the information about what is happening. We can even check whether we can help out. We can ask them to move to the recommended 2m distance. Of course, we can also focus on what we can control and edge away ourselves if necessary.
• Amending mistakes
Empathy can help us realise that we hurt or caused others distress by not following safety guidelines or by shaming them. As a result, feelings of guilt may arise and it is important to pay attention to them. Although guilt can be a difficult to experience, it is actually a helpful feeling. Guilt is about our behaviour. It tells us that we acted or behaved in a way that is incongruent with our values or morals (unlike shame that tells us that we are bad people). Guilt can motivate us to make amends and learn from our mistakes so that we can avoid those behaviours and act in line with the person we want to stand for.
• Accepting what is in our control
The reality is that we are not perfect because we are human. Even if we raise our concerns and ask people to follow guidelines in a respectful and assertive way, people may still not listen, may attack us back, and may not appreciate the risks they are posing to others. We may discover that we cannot force people to follow the rules. We may be left wondering whose role is it to enforce rules? The police, the government? This can leave us feeling more frustrated, helpless, and powerless.
This is where it can be helpful to focus our attention instead on what is in our control and to continue to take responsibility to abide by guidelines ourselves. It can also be helpful to focus our attention on what is good and what is going well, even in the midst of all the challenges we face. If we look around, many of us are working hard to abide by government guidelines and are doing a good job of it! It is important to not lose sight of these mammoth efforts.
• Adopting kindness and connection
Opening up to, rather than closing off from each other, can be challenging at a time when it is being drilled into us to evade each other. I have noticed for instance how I have unintentionally created more separation from people, by avoiding eye contact whilst trying to keep my distance. It is important for us to catch these behaviours because they breed disconnection which may carry on even when this is over if we are not careful.
From 2 meters apart it is still possible to look directly at each other.
When we are not wearing a mask, it is still possible to smile.
And when are 2 meters apart and wearing a mask, we can still smile with our eyes.